


I'll Love You Forever

by mother_of_lions



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Holidays, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mistletoe, Sharing a Bed, THEY DESERVE IT, Terminal Illnesses, i like my boys fluffy, no beta we die like men, seriously so much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:02:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28618491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_of_lions/pseuds/mother_of_lions
Summary: "I just don't want you to be alone.""I'm not alone, Mum. I have Merlin."
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 197
Collections: Round Table Gift Exchange 2020





	I'll Love You Forever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emryses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emryses/gifts).



> To Em--  
> You already know what's happened, I took this fic on as a pinch hitter. However, I didn't really vibe with the original fic and instead decided to completely rewrite it. I hope you love it all the same, and I am incredibly sorry that this is so late, I hope you have an amazing 2021.
> 
> All my love and thanks to Serena for helping me come up with this prompt on the fly and fleshing out all my problem while I wrote this fic in less than 24 hours.
> 
> References to and title from Robert Munsch's _Love You Forever_

Arthur stroked his thumb over the back of his mother’s hand. She breathed heavily, the machines monitoring her a constant buzz in Arthur’s ears. They had run out of conversation an hour ago, but Arthur couldn’t bring himself to leave. Ygraine had been in the hospital since September, and the doctors had informed him a few days ago that it was only a matter of time before she would no longer be with him.

He hoped she would make it to Christmas, but it was unlikely.

Twitching, Ygraine opened her mouth to speak, a harsh cough interrupting her. Reaching for the nearby cup of water, Arthur held it for her as she took a shaky sip, wincing as she swallowed. Determined to say her piece, Ygraine opened her mouth again, rasping out, “Arthur, whatever happens to me, don’t close yourself off. I remember how you were after Morgana left and Uther passed. I don’t want you to be alone when I’m gone.”

Arthur smiled tightly, feeling his heart constrict. Bringing her hand up to his lips, he pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles and cradled her hand against his chest. “Don’t worry, Mum. I’m not alone. I have Merlin. You remember Merlin, don’t you, Mum?”

“Yes. No.” Her brows furrowed in thought, the memories of the last few years having become blurred. “He’s your boyfriend, right? Bring him by so I can meet him again. I want to make sure he’s a good partner for you. That you’re taken care of.”

“Oh, Mum,” Arthur started to correct her before thinking better of it. What was the point? She wouldn’t remember anyway, and this way, Arthur would get to pretend Merlin was his, if even for a few days. “He’d love to come meet you again, actually. I’ll bring him by in a few days.”

\\\\\///

Arthur swallowed thickly, standing on Merlin’s front step with a pair of coffees and the muffins Merlin loved from around the corner. It wasn’t like he thought Merlin would say no, but the idea of asking Merlin to be his (pretend) boyfriend was nerve-wracking. What if Arthur couldn’t keep his feelings hidden well enough and Merlin found out Arthur was actually in love with him?

Biting his lip, Arthur raised his hand and knocked on the door, shifting his weight nervously as he waited. The door opened a few moments later, revealing a sleep soft Merlin, still clad in his pajamas. Blearily, he blinked at Arthur before a small grin spread across his face.

“Arthur! It’s early, what are you doing here?” He stepped aside, beckoning Arthur inside. “I thought we were meeting up tonight?”

“Um, yeah, we were. We are, I mean,” he set the bag of muffins on the kitchen counter, taking the coffees out of the carry tray. “But I wanted to ask you something, away from the others.”

“Oh, what is it?”

“So, you remember my mum, right?” Arthur looked down at his shoes, holding his coffee tightly to keep from fidgeting. Merlin made a noise of agreement, taking a sip of his own drink. “So she may or may not be under the impression that you and I are, uh, that you and I are dating.”

Merlin choked, coffee spraying across the floor. Coughing, Merlin slapped his chest a few times, taking a few ragged breaths. “Your mum thinks we what?”

“Well you know her memory is going, and she doesn’t really remember and I just. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, Merlin. It’s just while we’re at the hospital, I promise.”

His face softened immediately. “Yeah, I get it. I’ll be your boyfriend for as long as you need, Arthur.”

Arthur felt his heart clench at the words. _If only that were true._

“Thanks, Merlin. You’re the best friend I could ask for.”

“Always.” Merlin’s smile dimmed a little, his eyes tightening at the corners. Stepping across the kitchen, he snatched the brown paper bag. “If these aren’t muffins, though, I’m resigning.”

\\\\\///\\\\\///

Merlin slipped his hand into Arthur’s, squeezing lightly as they stood outside Ygraine’s hospital door, a few bags clutched in their free hands. He looked over as Arthur took a steadying breath, squeezing back.

“Ready?”

Arthur nodded and opened the door, entering the room without letting go of Merlin’s hands. Ygraine stood at one of the windows, a light grey cardigan wrapped tightly around her frail shoulders. Her pale blonde hair was done up in a bun, glasses perched on her nose. She turned at the sound of the door, her face lighting up as she saw Arthur.

Merlin heard Arthur breathe out a soft, “Thank fuck she’s having a good day.”

Louder, he said, “Hey, Mum. I want you to meet someone.”

He gestured for Merlin to step forward, releasing Arthur’s hand to shake Ygraines. “Hello, Mrs. Pendragon, it’s a pleasure to meet you again.”

Ignoring his hand, Ygraine wrapped her arms around Merlin’s shoulders, pulling him down in a surprisingly strong hug. “Call me Ygraine, dear. It’s a joy to meet you, too.”

They set the shopping bags down and Merlin began to go through them while Arthur spoke in low tones with his mother, asking after her health and whether she’d be up for their visit. She shushed him, insisting she was more than capable of making it through an early Christmas with her son.

Merlin smiled, listening to their antics. He knew exactly where Arthur got his stubbornness from.

He busied himself setting up the small fake tree they’d gotten, pulling out a small bag of homemade ornaments Arthur had brought. Arthur joined him at the table a few moments later, rifling through a different bag. He pulled out a stack of red sweaters and plopped them on the table, pulling one off the stack and shrugging it on over his button down. He took the other to his mother, holding her cardigan while she put it on.

Arthur turned back to Merlin, giving him a good look at the sweater he now wore. The red wool clung to his broad shoulders, making him look broad and strong, sending Merlin’s stomach into knots. It was really kind of an ugly sweater and had no business looking as good as it did on Arthur. The front of the sweater had a stitched white dragon, wearing a Santa hat and holding a carrot in its mouth, in parody of a snowman. Merlin covered his mouth, stifling the giggle that threatened to escape at the ridiculous (-ly attractive) picture he made.

Raising an eyebrow, Arthur said, “I don’t know why you’re laughing. Mum insisted we get one for you, too.”

Merlin’s mouth opened and closed a few times while he tried to think of a reason not to wear the sweater. Arthur smiled victoriously, shoving the sweater into Merlin’s hands and watching intently while Merlin removed the sweater he was already wearing, replacing it with the Pendragon sweater.

His head popped through the hole and his throat went dry as he realized Arthur had stepped into his space, clouding Merlin’s senses with _Arthur_. He glanced nervously at Arthur’s lips before looking up to meet Arthur’s eyes. He felt Arthur’s fingers settling on his collar, adjusting it to lay on top of the sweater. Merlin swallowed nervously, his eyes darting down to Arthur’s lips again without his permission.

“It suits you,” Arthur husked.

Behind them, Ygraine gasped and giggled. “Oh, boys! Look, you’re under the mistletoe!”

Together, they glanced up. Hanging about a foot above their heads was a sprig of the pesky plant. Merlin eyed Arthur’s lips again, watching as he flicked his tongue out to wet them. He could barely hear over the sound of blood rushing in his ears as Arthur whispered, “Well, would you look at that.”

Cupping Merlin’s face with a hand, his thumb resting in the center of Merlin’s chin, just under his bottom lip, Arthur leaned forward and pressed a warm kiss to Merlin’s lips. His knees going weak, Merlin opened his mouth instinctively, catching the moan just before it left his throat. Arthur’s grip on his face tightened at the choked off sound, a hand snaking around to encircle Merlin’s waist and pull him closer.

Their lips moved together, Arthur’s tongue was just flicking at Merlin’s lip when the sound of a small cough made them jump apart, faces flushed as they came to their senses. Arthur coughed lightly, averting his gaze and going to help his mother over to the table to decorate the tree. He set the small bag of ornaments on the table within easy reach and took a seat beside her, holding the tree steady as her hands trembled as she attempted to hang the ornaments.

Ygraine reached into the bag and gasped as she pulled out a flat, white circle. “Oh, Arthur, look! It’s your handprint from your first Christmas.”

Merlin took a seat on Arthur’s other side, carefully avoiding touching him as he looked over Arthur’s shoulder at the tiny handprint. Ygraine’s eyes watered, and she wiped at them clumsily with a tissue after hanging the ornament from a low branch.

They pulled more ornaments from the bag, Ygraine cooing over each and every one, telling them the history behind them. Handmade ornaments, photos from Arthur’s childhood, and a few themed ornaments from Arthur’s various phases of interest – lightsabers, Batman, football – dotted the tree.

Looking at the photos, Merlin felt his heart throb. In a few of the photos was an older, dark-haired girl, her skin ghost pale in contrast with Arthur’s golden tan. He wondered who she was. A sister? A cousin, maybe? Arthur rarely spoke of his childhood, and the few times he did, it was in clipped, distant tones, brushing over whatever anecdote as quickly as possible. He wondered what happened to the open, carefree boy clutching a football in these photos. Occasionally, when Arthur was alone with Merlin, he could still see the boy Arthur must have been once.

Merlin vowed to bring that Arthur out more often in the future.

With the tree decorated, Arthur stepped out for a minute to look for a restroom. Merlin sat with Ygraine at the table, listening to her finish telling him about Arthur as a baby. Suddenly, she changed topics, her voice deadly serious.

“Merlin, will your promise me something?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Take care of him, when I’m gone. After his sister and his father, he doesn’t let people in anymore. You’re the first boyfriend I’ve met since he was sixteen. I worry about him,” Ygraine confessed. “I don’t want him to be alone again. He needs someone to love, and to love him in turn. And he loves you so much, Merlin. I see it when he looks at you. And that _kiss_ , damn.”

Merlin felt his heart melt into his shoes. Poor Arthur, how alone had he really been throughout his life? Merlin had known his father had died when he was a teenager, but not about a sister. And it was true, Merlin couldn’t remember the last time Arthur had really seemed to have a boyfriend. At least not in the last five or so years Merlin had known him.

Reaching out, he took Ygraines hand in his, prompting her to meet his eyes. “I promise with all that I am, I will love Arthur until the day I die. He won’t be alone again. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone, Ygraine.”

She took a moment to absorb his words, and smiled in satisfaction. “Good. He’s in your care now.”

Arthur returned a moment later, bearing a tray of Ygraine’s dinner. After eating, she seemed tired, her confusion beginning to return. Gently, Arthur helped her back into bed, tucking the covers around her. He pulled a book out of one of their bags and sat on the edge of the bed, stroking her arm. As he opened the book, Merlin got to read the cover and felt his heart constrict.

 _Love You Forever_ by Robert Munsch.

Arthur began to read, soft, dulcet tones filling the room. Merlin was enraptured, unable to look away as Arthur moved through the book. He felt tears burn his eyes, spilling over and dripping down his face as Arthur finished the book.

Ygraine had fallen asleep somewhere near the middle, and they cleaned up as quietly as they could. Merlin took their bags to the car, letting Arthur have a few moments alone with his mother.

Sitting in the passenger seat of Arthur’s Aston Martin, Merlin took a moment to reflect on the day. His crush was getting out of hand, that was for sure. He couldn’t believe he’d agreed to pretend to be Arthur’s boyfriend for the remainder of his mother’s life. What if she miraculously got better? Would Merlin be stuck pining for a man he could never really have forever?

And what the fuck was that kiss?

Closing his eyes, Merlin could still feel the press of Arthur’s lips on his, the heat of his arm around his waist through the layers Merlin wore. He felt his cock stir in his trousers and shoved the thoughts away. Now was not the time for that.

The driver side door opened and Arthur collapsed into the seat. Merlin reached out, placing his hand on Arthur’s arm. “Hey. You okay?”

Arthur turned to look at him, his eyes red-rimmed. Without warning, he leaned over and cupped Merlin’s face, pulling him close and kissing him deeply. Merlin gasped in shock and Arthur slipped his tongue in, caressing Merlin’s briefly. He withdrew slowly, as if savoring the feeling of Merlin’s lips against his own.

Panting, he leaned back in his seat. “Thanks for coming today. It meant a lot to Mum and I.”

“Thank you for inviting me.” Merlin grasped Arthur’s hand, squeezing tightly and offering what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m always here for you, Arthur. I hope you know that. And it wasn’t so bad, being your fake boyfriend for a day. Kind of fun, actually. I liked getting to know more about you.”

“I appreciate that, Merlin.” Arthur smiled back at him, but his eyes looked sad as he said, “Thanks for being my boyfriend for the day.”

_I’d be your boyfriend forever if you asked._

\\\\\///

Standing, Merlin flipped the television off, setting the remote down on the table. He turned off all the lights, double checking that the door was locked. Going to the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and removed his contacts, stripping down to his boxers and stumbling to his bedroom. Pulling back the covers, he lay down and closed his eyes, on the edge of falling asleep when a knock at the door made his eyes snap open.

He stilled, holding his breath as he waited for the noise again. Softly, he heard a few more knocks at the door. Wondering who it could possibly be, Merlin swung his legs back to the floor and fumbled for his glasses, sliding them on his face. Merlin unlocked the door, but didn’t remove the chain, and cracked the door open.

“Arthur? What are you doing here?”

He looked up, his face streaked with tears. “It’s my mum,” he said hoarsely, barely audible despite the silence.

“Oh, Arthur, hold on.” Shutting the door, Merlin undid the chain and opened the door again, pulling Arthur in by the arm. Closing it and redoing the locks, Merlin enveloped Arthur in a hug, stroking the short hair at the back of his head and running his fingertips across Arthur’s shoulders. “Do you want to stay here?”

Arthur nodded into Merlin’s shoulder, his body shaking with silent sobs.

“Hey,” Merlin whispered softly. “I’m so sorry, Arthur. I’m so, so sorry.”

He managed to get them both back to his bedroom and wrangled Arthur out of his work clothes, dropping them in a pile on the floor and pulling back the covers for him to lay down in just his undershirt and boxer briefs. Merlin lay down beside him, opening his arms to Arthur immediately. Holding him close, Merlin ran his fingers through Arthur’s hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead while he grieved.

Eventually, Arthur calmed, going still and lax in Merlin’s arms, his head tucked under Merlin’s chin. Merlin used the edge of the sheet to wipe Arthur’s face clean of any remaining tears, and kissed the top of his head, wishing he could take Arthur’s pain away.

Exhaustion overwhelming him, Merlin closed his eyes and wrapped his arms more securely around Arthur, letting sleep claim him.

\\\\\///

Ygraine’s funeral was a somber, dignified affair. The overcast, late December sky held out long enough for her to be lowered into the ground beside Arthur’s father before opening and unleashing a torrent of rain onto the people who had come to pay their respects. Ygraine had touched many, many lives in her life, and Arthur stood under the tent, accepting condolences and listening to the fond memories shared by those who knew her in her youth while the rain poured down around them.

Merlin stayed by Arthur’s side the entire time, offering as much silent support as he could. As the last guest left, Arthur turned to Merlin, giving him a tired, but real, smile. “Hungry?”

He nodded, fingers itching to reach up and brush Arthur’s rain soaked hair off his forehead. Turning, Arthur led the way through the cemetery, clicking his key fob to unlock the car. He opened Merlin’s door, gesturing for him to take a seat. Merlin flashed him an odd look, but sat down without comment. They’d just come from his mother’s funeral and all, Arthur was probably just feeling weird.

Arthur slid in the driver’s seat, bringing the Aston purring to life. He turned on the heated seats and drove them to a nearby café that Ygraine had adored. After ordering, they sat tucked away in the corner, knees brushing under the table. After a few minutes of silence, Merlin finally breached the subject that had been on his mind since Arthur had shown up at his flat after Ygraine’s passing.

“So, Christmas is in a few days now. Are you doing anything?”

Arthur looked over at him, blue eyes a little wide, as if he too was just realizing that the holidays were so close. He shrugged nonchalantly, looking back across the café.

“I was thinking that you could come home with me. To Ealdor.” Merlin licked his lips nervously. “After all, what are fake boyfriends for?”

A smile ghosted over Arthur’s face as he met Merlin’s eyes across the table. He sounded painfully young when he asked in a small voice, “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Arthur, of course. You know Mum loves you,” Merlin assured.

Uncertainty lingered in his eyes, but Arthur nodded, holding his hand out for Merlin to take. With Merlin’s fingers in his grasp, Arthur squeezed, rubbing his thumb across the back of his knuckles. “I would love to come, Merlin.”

\\\\\///\\\\\///

Turning down Merlin’s street, Arthur took a steadying breath. He hadn’t seen Merlin since the funeral a few days ago and had only exchanged a few perfunctory texts. He’d taken the last week off of work, knowing that with his mother’s funeral he wouldn’t want to do anything. And he hadn’t, except think of Merlin.

He replayed the last good day with his mother in the hospital over in his mind on repeat, remembering Merlin’s eyes glittering with a soft joy, his soft laughter at Arthur’s expense.

And the kisses.

He could still feel Merlin pressed against him, wearing his family colors and looking unfairly good in them. Like he was made to wear them. He could hear the noises Merlin had made, the hitch of breath and the bitten off moan. If his mother hadn’t been there… Well. It didn’t bear thinking about, now.

He could see Merlin sitting on his porch in the distance, so he reached over and turned on the heated seat, warming it and the muffins Arthur had brought for him. Pulling up along the curb, he got out and took Merlin’s bag, setting it in the backseat alongside his own. Getting back in the driver’s seat, he picked up one of the coffees in the center console and handed it over, feeling warmth bloom in his chest as Merlin broke into a grin, holding his bag of muffins and the coffee.

Arthur turned back to the road to hide his smile, feeling full and content for the first time in over a week.

They arrived in Ealdor just as the sun was beginning to set, the early evening sun casting a warm glow across the land. Merlin had dozed off and on during the drive, but he was awake now, sitting up straight and fidgeting nervously with his hoodie strings.

Turning up Hunith’s drive, he parked and Arthur removed their bags, waving Merlin off when he tried to take his own. Merlin led the way to the door, opening it and entering a small, but warm sitting room. An older, greying woman greeted them, throwing her arms around Merlin’s neck and pulling him down to hug her.

“Merlin! I was wondering when you’d be here.” She looked over Merlin’s shoulder at Arthur and smiled warmly. “And who is this?”

He disentangled from her clutches and gestured for Arthur to step closer. “Mum, this is Arthur. Remember, I told you he was coming?” He asked pointedly.

“Oh, yes! Arthur, I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, but I’m so glad to finally meet you. Merlin talks about you all the time.”

Behind her, Merlin flushed and shot his mother an exasperated look, making Arthur chuckle. “It’s good to meet you, too, Mrs. Wyllt, Merlin speaks of you often.”

She snorted. “Call me Hunith, please, and I’m sure that’s not true, but thanks anyway.” She turned and led the way into the kitchen, talking. “How was the drive? Did you hit any traffic?”

Arthur did his best to answer her questions, trying to keep up with the conversation even as he felt his eyes grow heavier and heavier, the exhaustion of the week finally catching up with him. Yawning, he rested his chin on his hand and felt his eyes begin to close.

“Oh, poor boy,” he distantly heard Hunith whisper. “He must be having such a hard time. This is the boy you said you liked, right?”

“Mum!” Merlin hissed, “I’m going to take him up to the room.”

A chair scraped as Merlin stood, and a second later he felt gentle hands on his arm, pulling him to his feet and dragging him up the stairs.

“Come on, take off your trousers, Arthur, you’ll just be uncomfortable later,” he heard Merlin instruct with fond exasperation. Sleepily, Arthur complied, letting himself be pushed down on the bed and tucked in. Merlin perched next to him, stroking the hair off his forehead tenderly. Distantly, as if in a dream, he thought he heard Merlin whisper, “Thanks for coming with me. I was worried you would say no, I didn’t want you to feel that you were alone. I love you so much, Arthur. I wish I could tell you.”

Arthur felt lips press against his forehead, and he knew he needed to remember this moment. To tell Merlin that he felt the same when he next woke, but sleep claimed him, and the moment slipped from his grasp, forgotten.

The sound of a zipper jerked Arthur from sleep a few hours later. He opened his eyes to a dimly lit room, the book filled shelves and posters of obscure bands Arthur had never heard of screaming of Merlin.

Right. Hunith’s house. He’d come for Christmas.

Rolling onto his side, he found Merlin crouched on the floor, rummaging through his bag, glasses on instead of the contacts he’d been wearing earlier. He must have made too much noise, for Merlin turned around guiltily, whispering, “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No,” Arthur said hoarsely, and cleared his throat. “No, it’s fine. What time is it?”

“Almost midnight. You were pretty tired.”

“Do I need to come back downstairs?”

“No,” Merlin shook his head emphatically. “Don’t worry about it. I’m about to come to bed anyway. Mum likes to get up early on Christmas Day for whatever reason. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Turning oddly so Arthur couldn’t see what was in his hands, Merlin darted down the stairs. Fully awake now, Arthur got out of bed and fixed the sheets. He bent to pick up the pile of blankets that Merlin must have intended to sleep on the floor in and began arranging them, pulling the pillow he’d laid on off the bed and making a face as he realized he’d drooled on it. Flipping it over, he dropped it on the floor at the head of the makeshift pallet and got his toiletries out of his bag, going to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face.

When he returned, Merlin was getting comfortable on the pallet, plugging his phone in to charge. Dropping his toiletries back in his bag, he demanded, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

Merlin startled, phone falling to the floor with a soft thump. “Um, going to bed? Thanks for setting up the blankets for me.”

“Get your ass in the bed.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I already slept in the bed, it’s your turn,” Arthur instructed, gesturing impatiently.

Merlin looked at the bed and back to Arthur. “You’re the guest. You get to sleep in the bed.”

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, I’m not sleeping in the bed, so scoot over. You might fall off and stab me with your pointy elbows.”

“What? Arthur, that’s stupid,” he huffed. “Just lay in the damn bed.”

Arthur sat down on the floor and flipped the blankets over himself, settling in on his side. “I can’t hear you, I’m sleeping.”

Merlin was silent for a few moments, but Arthur could feel his exasperation. “Why don’t we share the bed, then? If you insist on being a prat about it.”

“M’not a prat,” Arthur muttered, but got to his feet and waited for Merlin to lay in the bed before climbing in after him.

They lay side by side, shoulders pressed together on the narrow bed. Arthur felt overly hot at the proximity to Merlin, could practically feel the sweat running down his back, but he couldn’t back out now. Awkwardly, Arthur turned on his side, facing the room, and shut his eyes, trying to sleep. He had a faint memory of Merlin speaking to him, but it was just out of reach.

“Merlin?” He whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Did you say something to me earlier? When you put me to bed?”

Merlin swallowed audibly. Arthur could imagine his Adam’s apple bobbing, the flex of his neck. “Um, what do you remember?”

“Nothing, I was just wondering if it was important.”

“Oh,” Merlin sighed, sounding relieved. “No, it wasn’t important, Arthur.”

“Okay.” He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. It _felt_ important. Why couldn’t he remember?

“Arthur?” Merlin whispered.

“Yes, Merlin?”

“Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me.”

He felt a smile spread across his face, feeling a different kind of heat bloom inside of him. “I’ll always come for you.”

Arthur closed his eyes again and sleep took him once more.

The clattering of pans pulled Arthur from sleep, opening his eyes to the early rays of sun shining through Merlin’s bedroom window. His nose was itching something fierce, and he tried to bring his hand up to scratch it only to realize his arms were pinned down by the weight – by Merlin – draped across his front. Merlin’s dark curls had fluffed even more with sleep, and they tickled Arthur’s nose with every breath.

“Merlin,” Arthur whispered, uselessly. “Merlin!”

He snuffled, turning his head to face Arthur so his hair was no longer in his nose, so at least that was something. But the longer he lay there, the more his body woke up. His _whole_ body. His already half-hard cock hardened more at the proximity to Merlin’s sleep warm body, at seeing his sweet face relaxed in sleep.

And he needed to pee, dammit.

“Merlin,” Arthur said softly, then raised his voice when Merlin didn’t so much as twitch. “Merlin! It’s time to wake up.”

He grunted at Arthur, scrunching up his nose.

“God dammit, Merlin.” Arthur wiggled, trying to dislodge Merlin enough to escape. He wiggled harder, the bed squeaking and knocking into the wall. Merlin shifted then, his weight resting more on the side closest to the edge. Arthur rocked them hard, aiming to toss Merlin onto the floor and make his escape. And technically, it did work.

Merlin fell off the side of the bed, but his grip on Arthur was strong, and they flopped onto the floor together with a loud thud. Waking up with a start, Merlin stared up at Arthur with sleep confused eyes.

“Um, good morning.”

“Oh, wake up now, did you?”

“Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all.

Arthur huffed. “I’ve been trying to wake you for ages. You’re heavier than you look, think you punctured something with your elbow.”

Raising an eyebrow, Merlin stared up at him. “Then get off me, you big oaf.”

“No, you need a taste of your own medicine,” he said, lowering himself more fully onto Merlin. They stared at each other for a moment, both registering the others cock.

Arthur glanced down at Merlin’s lips, remembering how they felt against his own and had leaned down to get a full refresher course when Hunith’s voice carried up the stairs.

“Merlin! Come and help, I know you’re awake.”

Startling, Arthur jerked back, but made no effort to move. Merlin stared up at him, his eyes on his lips and a blush spreading down his chest. “Guess I better go help.”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed, breathless.

“That means you have to get off.”

“Oh, right.” Arthur pushed up to his feet, giving Merlin a hand up. “I’ll just go. Clean up, then.”

Nodding awkwardly, Merlin slipped out the door and down the stairs.

Taking a moment to get himself under control, Arthur got ready for the day and joined them downstairs. Entering the kitchen, he pulled up short when he found Merlin and Hunith wearing Pendragon red sweaters, complete with the little white snow dragon.

Seeing him, Hunith nudged Merlin who turned and sheepishly said, “Surprise!”

“What is this?”

“Well, I know this is something that you do on Christmas, and I wanted to make you feel at home in some way. So. I sent Mum a photo of the sweater and she managed to make one for you and her before we came over,” Merlin looked down at his sweater and back up to Arthur, a frown creasing his brow. “Oh God, you’re not mad, are you? I didn’t think to ask, I’m so sorry, I thought–“

“Merlin, I love it,” he interrupted, cutting off Merlin’s string of apologies. Hunith handed the last sweater to Merlin and elbowed him in the ribs. He took it, shooting her a look and approached Arthur, holding it out to him. He pulled it on and smoothed it out, looking down at the intricate stitching. “You made these? I can’t believe it, it’s amazing.”

“It looks good on you,” Merlin said softly, reaching up to adjust Arthur’s collar. “Happy Christmas, Arthur.”

The rest of the day passed in a blur of baking, eating, presents, and more eating. In truth, Arthur couldn’t really remember what they did, he just remembered the way the fairy lights reflected in Merlin’s eyes, the way his eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled and laughed with his mother and whichever neighbors happened to drop by.

Before long, they were packing up the car and Merlin was saying goodbye to his mother, talking with her in low tones, his face downcast so Arthur couldn’t tell how he was feeling. Joining Arthur at the car, he slipped into the passenger seat without a word, flashing Arthur a slightly strained smile as Arthur buckled his seatbelt.

The drive back was quiet, the radio the only thing keeping them from total silence. Arthur wondered what Hunith had said to Merlin to make him withdraw into himself like this. He normally talked Arthur’s ear off, had chattered the whole way down to Ealdor the day before. A few times he almost worked up the courage to ask, but thought better of it after glancing at Merlin, his head turned as he watched the countryside fly past them.

It was dark when Arthur finally parked in Merlin’s driveway, turning the engine off. He looked over at Merlin for a moment, his profile illuminated by the headlights, and said, “I’ll help you bring everything in.”

Nodding, Merlin unbuckled and got out of the car, opening the backdoor and pulling things out. His arms full, he unlocked the front door and flicked on the kitchen light, dumping everything on the kitchen table before he turned to help Arthur set everything down. They walked back to the door and stood awkwardly, staring at each other as if they were strangers and not people who’d been sharing a bed that morning.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Arthur said softly, feeling as if the space between them were kilometers instead of a little over a meter. “I’ll text you when I get home, yeah?”

“Arthur,” Merlin’s voice was strangled. He cleared his throat, and tried again. “Arthur, I have to tell you something.”

The world seemed to tilt, and Arthur’s heart began pounding in his chest. This was it, he knew it. Whatever important thing Merlin had told him before.

“Your mum said something to me at the hospital when you stepped out to go to the bathroom. She told me that she was terrified you’d be alone after she was gone, that you would close yourself off and push everyone away. So she asked me to look after you.” Merlin swallowed, his voice gaining a slight tremor, as if he was holding back tears. “And I promised I would. I swore to her that I would love you forever. For as long as I’m living, and even after that.”

“You, you love me?” Arthur whispered, not trusting his voice.

Merlin nodded, his eyes watery. “So much.”

Arthur closed the space between them in two large steps, his hands cupping Merlin’s jaw and smashing his lips against Merlin’s. Softening, he moved his lips against Merlin’s, feeling his heart swell. Merlin’s hands covered his wrists, thumbs stroking over Arthur’s pulse points. He pulled back a little to meet Merlin’s eyes, and felt a half-delirious laugh escape him. “You love me.”

Smiling, Merlin met his eyes and nodded again, a stray tear running down his face. Arthur wiped it away with his thumb and kissed him again, soft and slow.

“Stay?” Merlin whispered, eyes wide and hopeful.

“For as long as you’ll have me,” Arthur nodded, and let Merlin pull him down the hallway, try to kiss and touch and undress all at the same time. Getting to Merlin’s bedroom, they undressed each other slowly, taking their time and lingering over the exposed skin.

Once undressed, Arthur got on the bed and held out a hand to Merlin, who, after setting his glasses on the bedside table, crawled up to Arthur, settling between his legs and scattering kisses across his chest. Working his way up Arthur’s neck, he felt the vibrations as Arthur exhaled, saying, “You should have told me sooner.”

“And what?” Merlin asked, skin shivering as Arthur dragged his fingertips down the bare skin of his chest, tweaking a nipple. “Have you politely decline, and then I never see you again?”

Arthur rolled his eyes, running his hands down Merlin’s back to palm his ass. “As if.”

“You reject people all the time,” Merlin ground his cock against Arthur’s, feeling him twitch.

Tightening his arms around Merlin, Arthur rolled them, rubbing his nose against Merlin’s. “Because they weren’t you.”

Merlin’s eyes softened, tilting his chin up for a kiss. “I love you.”

Softly, Arthur moved his lips against Merlin’s, taking his time and savoring the feeling, the taste of Merlin on his tongue. He’d pined for years now, for this man, and he finally had him. It was the best Christmas present he’d ever received, the best thing his Mum could have given him, however indirectly.

Merlin’s hands roved over his back, tracing the divots and muscles, gripping tightly as Arthur began thrusting, rubbing his cock along Merlin’s, slowly, savoring every inch of pleasure.

Arching his back, Merlin gasped softly, tilting his head back as Arthur began working his way down Merlin’s neck, leaving a trail of love bites in his wake. He fumbled for the drawer, but couldn’t quite get it at the odd angle. Instead, Arthur reached over and opened it, finding the lube right on top.

“Condom?” He asked, feeling around the drawer and finding nothing.

Merlin shook his head, “Haven’t really needed them.”

“Okay, no big deal,” Arthur pressed a kiss to the center of Merlin’s chest, flipping the cap open as he sat up. He poured some out on his hand, coating his palm and fingers. Gathering their cocks in a hand, he held them together gave a few strokes, watching his hand move back and forth. He drizzled a little more lube over their dicks before closing it and tossing it aside.

He stroked slowly, watching Merlin’s face go slack in pleasure. Speeding up, Merlin’s hands flexed, clutching the sheets as his cock began leaking precome. He moved his hips in time with Arthur’s hand, adding more friction between their cocks. Arthur could already feel his pleasure swelling, heat pooling in his belly and pleasure racing down his spine.

Stroking faster, Merlin hands moved from the sheets to Arthur’s thighs, gripping tightly as his pleasure mounted. He took gasping, hitching breaths, mouth falling open to moan Arthur’s name. Leaning down, Arthur kissed him, swallowing the noises and taking his breath. Merlin stiffened, his back arching as he suddenly came, ropes of white shooting over Arthur’s hand and cock. He stroked faster, stripping his cock and milking Merlin’s until he, too, came, shooting over his hand and mingling with Merlin’s.

Getting off of Merlin, he went to the bathroom and wet a cloth, wiping himself down and returning to do the same for Merlin. Dropping it off the side of the bed, Arthur flopped onto his back and pulled Merlin close, his head resting on Arthur’s shoulder while Arthur stroked his flank.

“Can I ask you something?” Merlin broke the silence, waiting for Arthur’s nod of confirmation. “Who was the girl in your childhood photos? I didn’t know you had a sister. You’ve never mentioned her before, and there’s no photos out at your house.”

“Morgana,” Arthur said, nodding. “She’s my older half-sister, born before my parents married. Her mother died when I was very young, so Morgana came to live with us. She… I don’t know, really. She left when she turned sixteen, just before my thirteenth birthday. Broke my father’s heart. And mine, too, I guess. I loved her, looked up to her. Father didn’t make it past my fifteenth birthday.”

“Arthur, I’m so sorry, that’s horrible.”

He shrugged. “It happens. And it’s true, I guess, what Mum said. I push people away when I think they’re about to hurt me. You’re the oldest friend I have.”

Merlin half sat up, bracing himself on an elbow above Arthur and making him look at him. “I won’t leave you, Arthur, I promise. Unless you want me to.”

“I know,” he pulled Merlin down for a kiss. “I don’t want you to go. I’ve been trying to be more open with you, taking you to meet my mum and all, before she got too sick.”

“I’ll love you forever, Arthur,” Merlin vowed again, and lay back down, nestling into Arthur as if he could glue himself to Arthur’s side.

Kissing his temple, Arthur smiled. “As long as I’m living.”

///\\\\\///\\\\\///\\\\\///\\\\\

Placing the last piece of tape on the box, Merlin tucked the present under the tree and took a step back to look over his handiwork. It had taken hours, but all the gifts were finally wrapped and under the tree, and it didn’t even look bad or anything. The decorations were evenly spaced, the little white handprints illuminated by the multicolored lights and glowing faintly in the dim light. It was loads better than their first Christmas after Ygraine passed, all those years ago.

Double checking the alarm, Merlin flicked off the sitting room lights and made his way upstairs, smiling as he heard the faint sound of Arthur’s voice through the walls.

“ _I’ll love you forever,”_

Picking up the clutter in the hall, Merlin stopped outside the door, leaning against the wall to listen.

“ _I’ll like you for always,”_

Stepping around the corner, Merlin leant against the doorframe, holding a finger to his lips in warning. Daegal’s face lit up as his eyes found his Dad, but mimicked Merlin, holding a finger to his lips and trying to be quiet. The commotion caught Arthur’s attention anyway, and he looked up, smiling as he saw Merlin in the doorway. He jerked his head towards the bed, being careful not to wake the tiny bundle in his arms. Igrainne was only a few months old, and it would be a chore getting her back to sleep if she woke now.

Merlin stepping quietly across the floor, settling on the bed as Daegal climbed into his lap, draping himself against Merlin’s chest. He exchanged a private look with his husband, who flushed and jerked his chin down at the baby. Laughing silently, Merlin rolled his eyes, knowing Arthur would change his mind as soon as Igrainne was in her crib. Stroking Daegal’s hair, Merlin pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and felt his heart swell with contentment.

_“As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”_


End file.
